Been down for the past 2 days and it felt like hell. Health has been hit big time a few rounds this year and each time felt worse than the previous. It started to feel that it's really gonna pull me down and I will never wake up anymore.
There is never a balance between material world and health, I have chosen to work 7 days a week and I shall accept this consequences.
Finally am back to work today at TBS. Busy day and alone. Felt weak in the earlier part of the day but luckily, the mechanism got back to work. I'm shall lead a labouring life, I don't know what will become of me if I stop moving / working.
Negativity has been consuming me, having dark nights of thoughts that I may not awake and sleeps filled with nightmares. But there's always two sides to a coin. This devil has allow me the chance to feel appreciative when I am able to open my eyes again the next morning. I wonder, what have we or myself missed out amidst the busy schedules I have been leading.
The exhausting works, the never ending demands, the hard work and the time I have put in to cover my debts, monthly payments and usage. (Plus my upcoming school fees) They are eating me up, consuming me totally with negativity, hatred, desires. Where was the time when you enjoyed the simple pleasures of living? (Quote from The Time Keeper :: The simple joy of living between sunrises are gone)
Such an ironic scene, when we were younger, we will say, I don't want to be like my parents, working so hard for the money, I would rather earn lesser than sacrifice my happiness and time. And look at what all of us are doing now?
Spoke to Kristin recently about job, she spoke about great sense of achievement and satisfaction. That was an answer I've heard a few years back, from someone my senior in the same A&P line. Although we are not event management but we too run the show for the mall. The mall is our baby, watching it grow, for the better or worse. It was once.... so fun, so engaging and so heart wrenching.. that now everything is not the same.
Is it that I have lost the passion? Or does the problem lies with the mall? The environment? Or the work? I tried my best to think, and truthfully, there was not much motivation to "charge" ahead for the current workplace. There is no lovely comrades, no supportive bosses, endless paper work to pull you back. It felt like my hands are bounded by boss, there is no way to move to the desired campaign, promotions or activities. We are just doing the norm.
Continue to slave or move away? It's a choice, but what are the factors to take into consideration?
Towards love, I'm just thinking, maybe, it's just maybe, maybe it's not the person that I can't let go, but the relationship. I have wanting to congrats him and wish him all the best. But I keep yearning for the simple, sweet, innocent life that both of us has been through. Which I'll say, it's difficult to find in my path now.
简单、单纯、甜蜜的小幸福… 谁能给你这种感觉呢？
Is it that one can't find this kind of feelings in smart intelligent guys in this century as most of them will either fool around or play mind game?
花家姐名言 @.@ 真是不简单啊 @.@
Good night 0.o
hazel, with love~
