5 October 2014, 3.18pm

It has been 5 months since the "notice" of having some time to think about our relationship between Samuel and I. Many things have happened during this period of time. I'm sad, I drink, I got into a relationship, I started school, preparing with exams, ended my relationship, celebrated Monsters' 10th Anniversary, started own company with Lynn, and many more other things. It's amazing on how fast life progresses without us knowing. Only when you look back, you realised how you have moved on day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month.

Last Friday, I finally asked Samuel out for a drink after my second paper, because I can't live with questions unanswered, although the answers are pretty obvious. We had small chats and I told him many things to make him feel guilty. I told him how much I have missed him but hated him too. Luckily, another group of friends were around the vicinity that stopped me from getting too drunk or crazy.

There was love between us, but time is always the issue. I gave it up before and this is obvious that once the opportunity is missed, that's it. Love doesn't conquer all when there are many aspects in live that you need to keep to. The harsh reality now put straight to my face, it is definitely painful but at least I do not hold on to false hopes anymore. I do, in a part of me, still wish that we can be together. Even after all the hatred I might have in my heart. But.. That's it for now... Till next lifetime maybe..

^Moving on^

To a positive aspect of my life. I have started drinking infused water. Only the recipe which reduces water weight, bloating and helps to hydrates body at the same time. Signed up for a gym package at Anytime Fitness and starting meal replacement soon. Currently is at 63kg, let's see how much weight loss I can achieve in 3 months, by December.

To a new me, pick myself up and achieve things for myself.

**I very much wanted to give up on myself, on study, on work, everything. I just hope I can find the motivation and enthusiasm again.

With love,
hazel

15 July 2014, 6.05pm

Today hasn't been a good day, early morning had a quarrel with youngest sister. It's a very small issue but I couldn't stand her attitude.

Been thinking long and hard about things between Ken and I, and I thrash things out today. After much arguments, he call it quit. Less than 3 months and this is it. I find him immature and couldn't provide me with security and stability, he felt that I'm just talking about money with him. Which I had repeatedly mentioned that it's not. 

Was it him that is immature or am I too self conceited and self centered? 

I cried a little but soon pulled myself together for the SPH trade event. Have I grown stronger? Definitely much stronger than before. Maybe the bond between us are seriously not strong, it is very vulnerable. A simple thrashing things out and arguments can crash the whole thing. 

May god bless us with happiness and wisdom. 

hazel soh