我真的感觉很痛
痛的开始希望能离开
完全的离开这个世界
很傻的想法，但可能是最快最简单的方法
是报应，因为我曾经这样的伤害你
很想在自己的手腕上割几刀
让伤心难过随着血液流走
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
我任了
眼睛微肿，因为昨天睡不着
昨晚睡不着，因为在想一个人
在想的那个人，可能也在想我
很想问问他的天父，为何一直以来的教诲是那么的歧视人
如果当年，他肯采取主动，如果如今，他还是能够为我放弃一切
如果我曾经继续拼下去，不退让，不成全
我们是否不会在伤痛里过活？
我们是否能够白头到老？还是到最后还是会分手？
该相信是冥冥中自有主宰？
27 October 2014, 12.46am
The pain will always linger...
I have gone through a short period of depression, thinking of self-destruction and thinking of cutting myself up.. But fret not, I didn't.. That is why I am still able to be here and type all these.
Started the 101positivedayschallenge with Kristin and that has in a way helped with staying positive. You make the effort to find something positive to post, even when the sky is grey. Went out with Richard today and had a great laugh. One thing that I have learned, being around with positive people, the positive energy is contagious. It felt great going out with him, because he seems so positive all the time.
But nonetheless, we are just friends ya.. It just feels great to be able to be surrounded with positive energy. :)
With love,
hazel
I have gone through a short period of depression, thinking of self-destruction and thinking of cutting myself up.. But fret not, I didn't.. That is why I am still able to be here and type all these.
Started the 101positivedayschallenge with Kristin and that has in a way helped with staying positive. You make the effort to find something positive to post, even when the sky is grey. Went out with Richard today and had a great laugh. One thing that I have learned, being around with positive people, the positive energy is contagious. It felt great going out with him, because he seems so positive all the time.
But nonetheless, we are just friends ya.. It just feels great to be able to be surrounded with positive energy. :)
With love,
hazel
Sunday, October 5, 2014
5 October 2014, 3.18pm
It has been 5 months since the "notice" of having some time to think about our relationship between Samuel and I. Many things have happened during this period of time. I'm sad, I drink, I got into a relationship, I started school, preparing with exams, ended my relationship, celebrated Monsters' 10th Anniversary, started own company with Lynn, and many more other things. It's amazing on how fast life progresses without us knowing. Only when you look back, you realised how you have moved on day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month.
Last Friday, I finally asked Samuel out for a drink after my second paper, because I can't live with questions unanswered, although the answers are pretty obvious. We had small chats and I told him many things to make him feel guilty. I told him how much I have missed him but hated him too. Luckily, another group of friends were around the vicinity that stopped me from getting too drunk or crazy.
There was love between us, but time is always the issue. I gave it up before and this is obvious that once the opportunity is missed, that's it. Love doesn't conquer all when there are many aspects in live that you need to keep to. The harsh reality now put straight to my face, it is definitely painful but at least I do not hold on to false hopes anymore. I do, in a part of me, still wish that we can be together. Even after all the hatred I might have in my heart. But.. That's it for now... Till next lifetime maybe..
^Moving on^
To a positive aspect of my life. I have started drinking infused water. Only the recipe which reduces water weight, bloating and helps to hydrates body at the same time. Signed up for a gym package at Anytime Fitness and starting meal replacement soon. Currently is at 63kg, let's see how much weight loss I can achieve in 3 months, by December.
To a new me, pick myself up and achieve things for myself.
**I very much wanted to give up on myself, on study, on work, everything. I just hope I can find the motivation and enthusiasm again.
With love,
hazel
Last Friday, I finally asked Samuel out for a drink after my second paper, because I can't live with questions unanswered, although the answers are pretty obvious. We had small chats and I told him many things to make him feel guilty. I told him how much I have missed him but hated him too. Luckily, another group of friends were around the vicinity that stopped me from getting too drunk or crazy.
There was love between us, but time is always the issue. I gave it up before and this is obvious that once the opportunity is missed, that's it. Love doesn't conquer all when there are many aspects in live that you need to keep to. The harsh reality now put straight to my face, it is definitely painful but at least I do not hold on to false hopes anymore. I do, in a part of me, still wish that we can be together. Even after all the hatred I might have in my heart. But.. That's it for now... Till next lifetime maybe..
^Moving on^
To a positive aspect of my life. I have started drinking infused water. Only the recipe which reduces water weight, bloating and helps to hydrates body at the same time. Signed up for a gym package at Anytime Fitness and starting meal replacement soon. Currently is at 63kg, let's see how much weight loss I can achieve in 3 months, by December.
To a new me, pick myself up and achieve things for myself.
**I very much wanted to give up on myself, on study, on work, everything. I just hope I can find the motivation and enthusiasm again.
With love,
hazel
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