5 October 2014, 3.18pm

It has been 5 months since the "notice" of having some time to think about our relationship between Samuel and I. Many things have happened during this period of time. I'm sad, I drink, I got into a relationship, I started school, preparing with exams, ended my relationship, celebrated Monsters' 10th Anniversary, started own company with Lynn, and many more other things. It's amazing on how fast life progresses without us knowing. Only when you look back, you realised how you have moved on day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month.

Last Friday, I finally asked Samuel out for a drink after my second paper, because I can't live with questions unanswered, although the answers are pretty obvious. We had small chats and I told him many things to make him feel guilty. I told him how much I have missed him but hated him too. Luckily, another group of friends were around the vicinity that stopped me from getting too drunk or crazy.

There was love between us, but time is always the issue. I gave it up before and this is obvious that once the opportunity is missed, that's it. Love doesn't conquer all when there are many aspects in live that you need to keep to. The harsh reality now put straight to my face, it is definitely painful but at least I do not hold on to false hopes anymore. I do, in a part of me, still wish that we can be together. Even after all the hatred I might have in my heart. But.. That's it for now... Till next lifetime maybe..

^Moving on^

To a positive aspect of my life. I have started drinking infused water. Only the recipe which reduces water weight, bloating and helps to hydrates body at the same time. Signed up for a gym package at Anytime Fitness and starting meal replacement soon. Currently is at 63kg, let's see how much weight loss I can achieve in 3 months, by December.

To a new me, pick myself up and achieve things for myself.

**I very much wanted to give up on myself, on study, on work, everything. I just hope I can find the motivation and enthusiasm again.

With love,
hazel

1 January 2014, 10.55pm

2013 has passed, a great learning year, filled with good and bad :)

Stepping into 2014, let's list down my New Year Resolution:

1. Keep to a stable eating regime to ensure my gastric will be healthy

2. Cut 4kg by August 2014

3. Get into one good relationship, and be showered with TLC ^^

4. Get good grades for studies! 

What we have done before can't be undone, but what is going to happen next, it's still not written. Let's do our best in working out a good future! 

Went partying on the last day of 2013, well, it didn't turn out as well.. A desperate guy who gets really touchy on me got into a fight with another guy who's trying to help. Awww.. Is it a good or bad thing? 

Why can't people go party together but enjoy dancing and drinking on him or herself and not stick (literally stick) to another person? 

Chit chatted with Kenny when I was drunk and I look back on the messages the next day. He mentioned this sentence "Guess you can nv part with alcohol don't you". Just having mixed feelings, can't describe. 

On this beginning of 2014, I wish that my relationship will work it's way out and get to find someone good ^^ 

hazel, with love~