30 Jan 2013, 12.30am

Hey hey my little darling electronic diary~!

It's been some time since I last updated. Had been wanting to update something, but thoughts were messed up. So here goes the bigger happenings:

1. Been on good terms with Kenny but he doesn't seems stable, maybe due to the "not wanting to get committed" that cause the uneasiness. Am taking things slowly, and still looking around. Oh my, call me a flirt or whatever~!

2. Rejected ET on Thursday. The situation was he trying to get close but I pushed him away and he said, I really wanna be ur bf. At that moment, my thought was "he's not true". Going with my gut feelings, I rejected him totally. And f***! As if like its the rejection, we are having "sparks" at work between us! Seriously, he makes my blood boil to a point of 135 degree!! Whatever it is, yesterday is the day I face him and that should be it till end Feb or early Mar!

3. I felt really bad on Thursday when I rejected ET. And I felt even worse that that was the second rejection I had within a month. (the first was Samuel) Felt really guilty and bad.

SXQ had always say that I'm very heartless, 狠心.. And I replied, this is something you need to learn through your life journey. There are just some moments of life that you will need to make a decision that may hurt temporarily. Just do it, get hurt and move on. And it is not a reply to push her away, but it's the truth and I need to brush up on this part even. To stop feeling bad.

Anyway, am on leave tomorrow and the day after. Am so HAPPY~!! Finally a rest and shopping spree for CNY!

Hope I get all that I want to get. Well, I should hope for more money instead. And here goes a few more pictures to end the post! I love the drinking-cum-gathering on Friday!

21 Jan 2013, 1.20am

Lalala~

It has been a few busy days.. But not so much during the weekends especially Sunday. N I kind of dread it, cos it gave my mind time to think about things that are not that important. So what went through my mind? The incident with Samuel.

It's been a week since the dinner and the text exchanges. Nothing was said after that and live was as per normal like before we got back in contact. Alright, another friendship put on hold. :/

Went for JP Pepperdine new restaurant HOSHIGAOKA opening invite at SAFRA TPY today. Boring, left half way. But they do have quite a traditional and cute door gift. Hahas..

Met up with another online friend after that, Kenny. Nothing much, just chit chat. As per what he said, he's not looking at commitment. But what I felt after the chit chat session with him, he's kind of like looking for someone who can click and may get real after awhile although he keep saying no commitment. Just first meet up, maybe I'm wrong. But a good friend known for now though. He's been to Europe for a year to study. Pretty much things to share. So envy, I also hope I can go look at the world like he did.

Looking through one of the ballet teacher Facebook and saw her pictures which she took during her overseas competition. Another fun adventure. Even more envy of people who could go European country. Shall gambantei to go in future. There will be one day!

19 Jan 2013, 10am

Good morning! It's a Saturday morning, and here I am sitting on the chair at The Ballet School for the past 1 and a half hour. Going through my routine of working 7 days a week. Sadist.

Shall one day I cleared all my debts and is financially ready. I'm gonna stop this job and enjoy a weekend morning with McDonald's big breakfast at a pretty McDonald's Tea Garden outlet. Bring my darling niece out to tourist attraction. Let her play and learn new things, cook up something new, movie sessions at friend's place, go massage, go for short trips, etc.

Probably I just need a rest ;)) Hazel! Strive harder!!

Oh.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SOH XUE QI!

16 Jan 2013, 11.35pm

Work has been dreadful.. Been working on some thingsssss.. Clearing shit from predecessor, one man show taking care of A&P big and small issues. Then there's the petition letter that came in which has created quite a bit of stir, and now stomp due to a mistake in in-mall ad printing. Plus a gan-chiong spider boss. Gosh!

A vendor called me up today and spoke to me saying I've been here for quite some time. One of the longest A&P at Anchorpoint cause my predecessor changes 2 to 3 times in a year. Seriously, I do not know how long I can last. Still trying to put up the fight.

There is always someone out there waiting for you to fail, to have a good laugh at it. Although it may not benefit them at all. We got to put up a good and tough fight!

Good night my darling fighting spirit, hold on there and don't get demoralized. You need to hang in there.

15 Jan 2013, 11.53pm

One great memorable day.. Cos it's a day with no connection and 3G from M1.. It's so quiet and felt so uneasy. But seriously, it makes me realised I'm so dependent on my phone. I don't have to be.

Everyone is complaining to M1, I believe their staffs are more busy and stress to rectify the problem now due to the mass complain and down time. Compared to consumers who are unhappy over missed calls, unsent messages and missed appointments. At least there're still alternatives for us. The M1 staffs either do or die. Imagine if you are on the job trying to rectify the problem. I guess it's really a f-up situation that die die must face.

More tolerance and patience will make things better. It's not the end of the world. By hook or by crook they got to get it up anyway.

13 Jan 2013, 8.15pm

"An intrusion of a third party in a relationship is not the third party's fault but because the relationship between the couple already has a problem."

Ever heard of the above saying? Someone said it to me recently. I understand the theory totally and believe that it's true in reality.

But think of it another way. Even if the relationship has a problem, without the intrusion of a third party, the couple will still stay together and stay with the problem. Although problem not solved, they are still together.

Which couple has the perfect relationship? I believe none. And how did couple stay together till a ripe old age? They stayed together no matter what issue arises.

The current relationship span is similar To product life span. Shortening by so much. Once there's a problem, people go for something new. Should it be a concept for relationship too? So wrong.. What's the world becoming?

I shall end the post with a picture. Maybe I should get a polaroid camera too. It's fun and capturing the moments. Seriously, how many of us is developing the digital photos we have now? LOL

12 Jan 2013, 11am

What more should I say?

I have to confess that I fell for Samuel a little. The progress between us is pretty good which makes it looks like its progressing to a successful relationship.

But no no.. It's not gonna be. It shouldn't be and it cannot be. And the dinner yesterday night has end it all.

As planned, Flex has attended the dinner with me. And also as planned, Samuel is turned off and text me one great loads of words at night. Saying things like he's irritated and angry. I should have considered his feelings for me and shouldn't have brought another guy along to the dinner. One thing he didn't realise, ironically, thats the reason why Flex is there.

My reply to him:

"Bringing flex along is my decision, if it had make the gathering awkward, I apologize as a friend of this group. I dun mean to anger u or offend anyone. And I thank you for your feelings for me. But one thing to note, u have ur path n I have mine. We cannot continue to progress as like what we have been.

Relationship betrayal is not confined to only physical indecent acts, emotional betrayal is even worse.

I give my best wishes to you and ur gf. U've made the decision of being with her n u shld stick to it. N I hope for your well wishes for me too."

Does this explain enough to him? I doubt so.. Cos his reply is a simple "thank you". Guess male and female operates differently. I'm facing yet another self-centered and rash person.

Believe me, it hurts me too to put up such an act, putting friendship at risk and to stop everything with someone I do have a little liking in.

6 January 2013, 12.26am

Today is the 6th day since I started my fever. It's finally under control. Should it continue, I'll need to visit another doctor. Still have not fully recovered but at least better without the fever. And thanks for the 2 days rest given by Ballet School.

Have I mentioned before that there were moments between Samuel and I that we almost step over the line? Guess not.

[Step over the line in terms of friendship, nothing further! Red, just in case u were reading n thinking too much]

The moments are pretty special though.

Before today, I keep telling myself that it's impossible between us due to character and his current commitment. Most of all, bcos I do not like him as much. I have been pushing him away, trying to find 挡箭牌, telling him to not be so good to me.

When he gave me the swarovski necklace, I didn't think much of it and put it aside. At that time, I thought to myself. If its a gift from someone you truly love, even a leaf is much appreciated.

Today he brought me the cooling water and hang it outside my door. It should be early in the morning I guess, cos nobody realise it. Oh.. Can he stop doing these sweet things?

Everyone knows feelings can be cultivated, and please, you are an eligible guy, we have known each other for so long, stop being sweet to me.

Gosh.. Headache's coming for me. And I guess my post is kinda mess up, not here not there. Gonna sleep.

P.S: "I'm gonna die in ur hands"

--- LIGHTS OFF ---

5 January 2013, 8am

I've to confess that I've said something I regretted saying in defend of what SXQ said, I said "Make sure u can earn enough to take care of this house if I die".

Really regretful of it. And not sure whether is it I'm too sensitive or what, these few days fever, nobody at home bother about me much. Is it bcos of the remarks I make? Feeling outcast probably bcos I'm being emo now, I just felt sick n tired of everything, maybe bcos I'm sick n tired.

In terms of relationship, I've been trying to widen my social circle. But seriously, I don't like it. I'm gonna put "in a relationship" on FB, to push away all flings and guys.

This change will be till further notice.

Dreamt of ah fu the night before with his girlfriend. Dreamt that the gal is 3 months pregnant. I'm happy for him, and both of us just exchanged a simple smile. It's still dream.

话多不如话少，话少不如话好。。
Personal add on：无好话不如无话
If you don't have something good to say, just keep quiet..

I'm gonna live with these taglines.

Start of 2013

Oh.. It's been a few months since I blog, didn't knew that the blogger app has evolved so much..

Not a very good start to the new year with fever since 1-Jan night. Till today, really cannot take it le so went to see doc. Respiratory tract infection that cause the fever. Means antibiotic again.

Something that sadden me quite a bit was what SXQ said, I only commented that her dark eye circles are getting worse, doesn't look good and she defended herself by saying "you die off better, why waste money on doc". I didn't thought much about my comment, I just see it n comment on the spot. And there goes such a defensive reply.

Later in the evening, I had a thought, guess its time I let go of my part time job and channel more time to my full time job. It's kind of messing up.

Plus my health has been bad. 2 weeks ago then I was diagnosed with tonsillitis. It's either the effect of the medication or my mind, I placed my hand over my head while trying to sleep, and I've a feeling that my hand is getting bigger and my body getting smaller. My hand is covering up my whole body! Help!