10 June 2014, 1pm

Look at the time lapse here. Many things have been happening since the last post and I shall not elaborate much. Have started writing diaries instead but I shall just update here too for my friends. LOL

It has been a wonderful trip with Ken over the weekends.

Things could be really simple if I'm not that complicated. We were sweet and happy, and he had asked the question but I didn't answer to it. Because my heart still has a space for Samuel. I know this is not fair to Ken, but I'm so sorry that I still did it. 

Have not been hearing from Samuel and has been looking at his Facebook. He didn't post much other than the usual work and commercial stuffs. So our matter didn't affect him? Got linked up to his galfriend's Facebook and saw their pictures together. The moments really eats me up.. Tears started welling up. It's a pretty bad feeling. Maybe I can guess the outcome even though he doesn't disclose it. Remember once he said, if there's really a next lifetime, he will want to be with me. So perhaps, it's not our time yet. 

Well oh well, let's 收拾心情 and wait and see what God has in line for us in his story. In the meanwhile, some pictures to sum up the recent batam trip.

13 March 2014, 10.48pm

Back to reality~

The simple fulfillment is a temporary escapade that we can seek. To achieve peace in mind when we totally lose it all in the complicating and exhausting real world. 

I have made it for a trip alone and survive it especially when I'm down with throat infection and fever. Eighteen panadol got me through these few days, no antibiotic. Let's continue to work on this. Anyway, antibiotic is harmful. Let's research for something more organic and natural to replace antibiotic. Otherwise, my immune system will one day not be working.

#FourteenOThree reaching in one hour and twelve minutes time. TwentySix :/ alright, face the fact.

How should I deal with the matter between Sam and myself? Either he finds the courage to fight for me. Or I find the courage to leave him totally. 

For work, I'm banished to a do-er. From the emails I see him sending out. Let's put more focus and see how we can win the war. I like the comment my friend wrote: "You can lose a battle but you can't lose a war". Let's fight on!

Spy, stay clear-minded. 

hazel, with love~

12 March 2014, 10.10am (Krabi time)

Hi my dear blog, it's been awhile since I'm -typing- here. All due to laziness though.

Look back at the things that was bothering me in the past weeks or even years:-

1. Relationships

2. Work

1. Relationships 

It's been 3 years and yea, the time to go loose is over. Have stopped contacting flings and avoid meeting them. Got entangled with Sam again after so many years. And yet, I placed myself in the same position I had with ah fu. 

2. Work

I have placed myself in a war situation with boss just because of a tender. I truly knows that I'm unhappy working here. Too much micro management and the boss himself doesn't know what he's doing. So that means he can't teach us much = no room to grow. 

This trip to Krabi gives me lots of time to think. And also, it reminded me the simple-ness of life. Why did we get all complicated and sophisticated in the town. Sacrificing ourselves for the necessity. We have all the luxury but we are not satisfied and happy deep down. 

Too much time for the HD movie that Baan Dinlamun offers too. Romance movies... And it's similar to what I have told Sam before. I do not want to be involved in a triangular relationship again. If you want me, fight for me. Clear yourself of all the shit and comes to me. Simple said than done. I can't help but will want to turn to him for everything. But I know he's not fighting at all, he answered to my question of "If you have to make a decision between her and me, who would you choose?". His reply "to choose, definitely it's you, but I don't think I can put into action." Just for your info, romance movies that I watched was "Letters to Juliet" and "Friends with Benefits"

In terms of work, should I still continue working there? Fear, of the income portion, and inability to stay long in this place, makes me wanna stay on. But is that supposed to be the real reason? Shall I just continue to "ding-dong" at this place? It's giving me headaches. To this portion, no conclusion yet. No thoughts too. Unless fairy god mother is so kind for me to be headhunted, otherwise, how do I find the courage to move on?

hazel, with love~