Karma

Dear Dad, not that I don't love you as a family but I truly believe you will lead a long life like your father as karma needs to find its way to you. 

I hope I'll live a short enough life, for the instant karma is enough. 

Challenges :: 21 January 2015

I have thought of an idea of posting probably on a quarterly basis or as and when I think required, the challenges I face at the point in time. To keep track of my milestones, my struggles, my success in overcoming them and eventually, once I passed them, my victory.

So there goes this first post on my challenges:

1. Getting over the relationship shared between me and Samuel. One may think that we wasn't together for long and it started the wrong way in the first place. But trust me, the beginning was 7 or 8 years ago when I just know him. The bond shared is like you found a soulmate.

2. Totally in debts financially. I have cleared most of them after getting bonus last year. But the two consecutive year end trip has clock up quite a big amount again. Plus the school fees that Are left with 2 more payments.

 

I have started working at Ballet School again to get some additional income. May be tiring but being busy keeps me busy from wild thoughts. And it helps in financially too. Just have to bite the bullet and head on with life. 

When there is a challenge, find solution and not sit and lament. Well oh well, maybe allow yourself awhile to lament, we are all humans. Don't have to be too cruel to yourself. 

With love,

hazel spy 

看见了甜蜜的戏剧桥段，想起了我们。想起了就算我不是那种单纯简单的女孩，我们拥有的回忆还是甜蜜的。

我喜欢出去喝酒狂欢，你也会陪着我一起去，一起玩。但这不代表我们是玩咖，我们只是陪着对方，就好像什么都可以一起做的另一半。那应该是个很让人羡慕的一对吧？

或许在平行时空的另一端有着一模一样的我们，但是平行时空里的另一对是一对被祝福有甜蜜的一对。

从“心”开始

打从 2015 年开始就想从新开始的我，经历了很多挣扎。想要停止坏习惯，想要所有事都往好方向改变，想要一瞬间完全的改变，想着离开熟悉的人事物，想着换工作，想这想那。很像电影剧集里吧？但人到某个阶段真的会那么想…

但是事与愿违，真实生活不像电影剧集里，说走就走，说死就死。我必须留在这里，必须照常生活，必须面对以前曾经有过的苦与甜。也并没有办法突然失忆或改变。

到最后，自己很努力的做改变，可能有时会抵挡不了诱惑，但是慢慢的想开了。我很想你但我尽我所能不再去打扰你。我很想忘记过去但我尽量不再去想，把回忆封锁。我会计较、算计，但事事都尽所能地控制住自己，往好的方面去想，让自己单纯些。

从新开始，是要从“心”开始。改变了环境，改变了人事物都没办法改变自己内心，更没可能治愈内心的伤。

Weird Thought

Do you remember we spoke of having a child? 

I've imagined of having a son with you. 

I once wanted to carry your baby. And I still have the same thought. 

从新开始

我放声大哭了一场，才发现自己多么的放不下。经过了许多狂欢，微笑，但心里原来还是带着一份悲伤。直到它暗涌而出才发现自己是那么的不了解自己。

那份伤痛一直在心里埋藏着，自己却认为是伤口慢慢再愈合。很辛苦很痛，很希望能够从新启动，过一个截然不同的生活，希望能够磨灭掉所有发生过的一切，从新再来。

我不想再解释我曾经经历过什么，因为是一个我不想去碰触的一个伤口。我必须从新开始，不要再提起以前。

With Love,

hazel soh