28.January 2014, 1.39am

The week had passed real fast, I have been through another period - painful. Now, how I wish for the abnormal me that has it only every 6 months!

Sunday was a day that was pretty down, I was thinking about questions that I know only myself can answer. But I have got no answers for myself. And I know a second party won't be able to give me the answer. But I still went ahead to talk to a few person. The end result is the same as what I have expected, the answer got to depend on myself but at least I get to hear words from a different perspective, and although it's a personal struggle, I'm not alone. Actually many people had the same struggle as myself. Well, that really did help ^^ At least I'm not alone, I know that shouldn't be the right thought but it didn't matter Hahas

Met up with Daniel during the movie premiere tonight, and I asked him about the feedback that Alyssa has for me, I trust it wasn't a really good one, cos I know I didn't present myself well that day! But he didn't say much, I know he's trying to be kind.

Another thing I would like to highlight is how amazing life and God can be! At a moment, I was lost with what I'm doing, my direction, my passion, my focus, and it seems like things happen for a reason, the people I met, the things that they say, seems to be giving hints or answers to my questions and then the mind will work out the remaining formula to the answers.

I guess I hadn't done Anchorpoint justice as since I've started working there, I've been taking on two jobs. It has caused myself unable to put my 100% focus on my main job. And like what I've been telling many other, being a mall management, it seems like the mall is your baby. And I believe there are still potential for Anchorpoint. But I haven't given my 100% tender loving care for the past 2 years. Most likely I'll turn down Daniel's job offer, cos I would like to put more focus on Anchorpoint, and at the same time, I think Daniel will need someone more focus as well. I don't think I'm the right person at this point in time.

So what's my vision or motto of life? I guess I've roughly make it out to be, giving your best in the things I do. I have not done my best for Anchorpoint, I won't be willing to leave just like that! Let's try our best and see what's the result we can achieve!

Work hard hazel! Stay focus and give your best in the things you do. Remember 曾子三省!

Good night world~

hazel, with love~

24 January 2014, 12.13am

Darling, hi, it's me again.

I'm happy that the new phone can allow me to use Blogger like on computer!

Today has not been an exactly productive day, but I have managed to complete a few task. That's conflicting, probably I'm just FEELING the unproductivity. Probably its my mood that wasn't in its best mode and don't ask me why, it's just woman. I don't know why too.

Continue meeting and talking to people! Connecting with humans, the best way to find live, I mean lively kind of live, and to feel alive. I guess there must be some problems with me recently... I need to feel alive, does it mean I'm feeling dead?

o.O

hazel, with love~

23 January 2014, 12.39am

Hiyee!

It's me here ranting away again!

Today I met up with Alyssa, CMO of the Medical Concierge. Had a good dinner and chat with her. I always believe you will get to learn something from conservations with others. Not very sure of her impression of me and whether I'll be able to get the part time job and work under her but at least I get to hear from her, see how she had presented herself, her passion for her work. These are the things that you can learn from others, see, understand and digest in. Think and absorb.

Second thing I wanna write about will be the nasal wash experience that I tried after hearing from Samuel. Oh god, it really works! Though it seems like I'll need a few more washes before I get to really clear the "clogged" in the middle, I can sense the effectiveness on one side! Haha! Shall do it again tomorrow to the other side :D

I am thankful and grateful to the people I met recently, it's true of what Li Yan has said, I'm still looking for the direction in life and I've met a few people this period of time. Looking at them, hearing from them makes me think more. And I trust that it's the work of God, it's the process of life. I may be lost now but I'm guided and the story will be written as it should be.

P.s: I believe in only one universal God, the one who writes the story of lives. The different religious God are the messenger of the one who writes the story of lives. But then again, what had happened can never be undone, but what happens next is not written yet. So there are things that you can leave to Fate but there are things that you can create differently, all lies with the decision you make.

Enough of my long winded post today, good night and sweet dreams!

hazel, with love~

Oh, I have a picture here taken by my new phone! And I find it such a pity that I can't share openly, so I'm gonna share it here!

21 January 2014, 11.53pm

Met up with Samuel today, a name that we haven't heard for awhile hur? Hahas..

Just a short catch up over dinner and coffee. Keeping each other updated with the happenings in life. I love meet ups and catch ups once in awhile. Cos I hate the feeling of friends turning into strangers. Not like I have managed relationships with different humans well, there are still people who seems close but is like a total stranger deep inside. These are the people that will keep me thinking if they really care, and should I still step forward to care? 

人与人之间的关系真是微妙微翘、难以捉摸、难以制定到底到最后这个人是否值得你的青睐、心思与信任。

Gastric hasn't been too good recently. Again vomited after I drank some coffee after meal. Lousy me...

Let's stay positive and continue to love and care those close to heart. 

Passed by Chinatown just now, and thought if I'm still in contact with Mr K, we probably will be visiting the stalls together. Like what we did during Hari Raya last year at Geylang Serai. 

Oh.. Did I update the latest chat? I tried sending something to him but end up as returned mail due to the incorrect unit no. So I texted him asking. And the convo goes:

K: you could pass to me instead of sending

Me: I wonder when will we meet again

K: not that I don't want to meet you, but I do not know how to face u, because of the expectation

Me: you are right about the expectation, I too doesn't know how shall I face u. Thus, I choose the easier way out. Let's be easy on each other and also to ourselves. 

We have had quite abit of enjoyable moments and memories in the past year. And we didn't quarrel. Thus making this journey a pretty good and unforgettable one. Let's just keep it as a happy memory and don't spoil it.

All in all, a happy and wonderful day. I thank God for what life has presented to me. Let's learn to appreciate the smallest thing in life, and the simplicity of relationship happening all around. I hope I find peace in everything I do. 

^^ *muacks* and let's cheers to life! 

hazel, with love~

15 January 2014, 9.30pm

I remember vaguely that I was once said to be a workaholic. When was it? It seems so long ago.. That I can't recall...

I'm really feeling stagnant in this job. And the recent meet up with Daniel, he too thinks that there's no room for me to grow. It's my boss's retirement job but it's a risk to my portfolio. 

But I know I need to stick to this job because my studies is starting. I'm losing (or I have lost) the passion and motivation at work. Where's the sense of achievement upon getting things done? Where's the push of planning new things and activities in the mall? Am I losing it or the environment has caused me this?

Is it wise to continue here? 

hazel, with love~

11 January 2014, 10pm

I have learned something new today.

曾子曰：吾日三省吾身

为人谋，而不忠乎？

与朋友交，而不信乎？

传不习乎？

Meaning:

I examine (reflect on) myself three times a day,

Whether I help my peers with all my efforts,

Whether I am honest and faithful to my friends, and

Whether I practice what is imparted.

This is meaningful, and it's by chance that I learnt about this, and I'm grateful. 

Just before this, I'm feeling that I have not done enough in my job. There are many areas of improvements, and I branched out thinking of the areas. 

In terms of Promotions, I have not deduced what exactly works for Anchorpoint, and I am thinking maybe the promotion mechanics of GWP don't really entice people to shop. This is not a place of destinated shopping, like I need to shop for CNY clothes and I won't go to Anchorpoint. It is more on impulse buying. Let's work on that.

In terms of Events, I need to bring in more traffic, it is decreasing YOY. So what's the way? Craft workshops are getting boring, and too overused by shopping malls. Let's create something unique. Like what Daniel has suggested, a Japan Fair, Banks Roadshows, Health Roadshows, etc. 

In terms of Atrium Rental, I got to bring in more revenue. Lets hit on the main atrium, let's hit on bigger brands. And similar to the above, market the space to banks, property developers, etc.

In terms of CSOs Management.... Eewww.. I think I need to get a book on People Management. They are getting on my nerves. I have been soft with them and I guess they have took it for granted. But I do not want to go harsh. Let's arrange individual meeting with them soon. Human Relationship Management is an art to master.

hazel, with love~

6 January 2014, 1.09am

Dear Diary,

Today's a quiet day at work. Shermaine took leave last minute and Lynn's on leave for the whole week. Left alone with boss, and simply just keep working.

Anyway, to continue my story from my previous post, Mr K has replied: "When someone broke the news about her to me, during November." 

Alrighty, and I think it's exactly time to let go. This is me, I'll try to the end and wait to the end. Just like Ah Fu, I have exhausted my ways and means. Till a day when I'm scarred with too many tries, then it's time to let go. 

"Keep on trying" and "never say die" seems to be my friends. LOL But because I know, if you have not exhausted all ways and means, you won't be able to move on without regrets.

Removed the necklace today, although I have been boasting that the reason behind wearing the necklace is to protect myself due to the crystal gemstone, upon removing it today, I got to understand that it's the person behind it that holds a greater meaning. 

Shall look forward to a better future :) And one thing that's pretty weird. I have been using the Tarot Card app and been asking about things between me and Mr K, I keep getting "No" as the answer, stating that both of us started fine but not stable, won't be able to last. Many attempts lead to the similar results. And yet, I tried again just now, asking about whether I'll meet a Prince Charming soon, and the result was "Yes"! And the explanation goes something like I have been selective on my choices, and that's good and clear. Quality is important. I'll meet up someone who's refined and well mannered. However, things will be slow. Awww!!! Hahas -is this true or what- 

Oh, have I mentioned that Daniel texted me out of the blue this afternoon asking whether I'd be interested to meet up for lunch on Thursday? :X Probably it's just work-related. Stop being imaginative, hazel. Hahas.. If you would like to dream, go to bed now! *Grins* 

Good night world~

hazel, with love~

4 January 2014, 9.06pm

Wonder who's looking, maybe I myself only.

Do not know how to evaluate my mood recently. Feeling lethargic all the time and moody. Something seems to be missing, and I can't grasp what it is. Is it fun? Passion? Motivation? Stability? Attention?

Life don't feel as fun as it has been in the past. Party don't seem to be a fun thing anymore, drinking don't seem to be a great thing anymore. I would rather find somewhere serene to retreat into. Is it one of my "lie-low" period again?

With the beginning of the new year, I keep looking back to the year that has passed. On the first day of 2013, I was out having coffee overnight with Samuel, and then I fell damn sick during the start of the year. Then, before Chinese New Year, we have stopped contact. I met up with Mr K on 21 Jan 2013, we left a marking on a wall in East Coast Park on 28 Mar 2013. We had wonderful birthday celebrations and yet we didn't make it to Christmas and New Year celebrations together.

2013, a year that I send away someone very dearest to me; Also a year that I gave my best wishes for my dearest friend for her marriage. A year I got to know Max. Someone who were poisoned, got close, recovered and get done with in a short period of time.

Was 2013 an eventful year? Pretty much but not that much.

Asked Mr K a question today: "How are you with your thinking?"

His reply: "I'm not seeing anyone now. I still think of my ex. And I don't want to settle down yet because of that." and added "But, I have something for you that time. It's not playing."

My reply: "I wonder when and how did it stop and went back to your ex"

No reply till now. I have got to move forward no matter what. It's part of my 2014 Resolution anyway. Or perhaps, change it to staying single and be alone.

Let's plan for some places to head to before school starts. I think I really need a retreat... for the heart.

hazel, with love~

1 January 2014, 10.55pm

2013 has passed, a great learning year, filled with good and bad :)

Stepping into 2014, let's list down my New Year Resolution:

1. Keep to a stable eating regime to ensure my gastric will be healthy

2. Cut 4kg by August 2014

3. Get into one good relationship, and be showered with TLC ^^

4. Get good grades for studies! 

What we have done before can't be undone, but what is going to happen next, it's still not written. Let's do our best in working out a good future! 

Went partying on the last day of 2013, well, it didn't turn out as well.. A desperate guy who gets really touchy on me got into a fight with another guy who's trying to help. Awww.. Is it a good or bad thing? 

Why can't people go party together but enjoy dancing and drinking on him or herself and not stick (literally stick) to another person? 

Chit chatted with Kenny when I was drunk and I look back on the messages the next day. He mentioned this sentence "Guess you can nv part with alcohol don't you". Just having mixed feelings, can't describe. 

On this beginning of 2014, I wish that my relationship will work it's way out and get to find someone good ^^ 

hazel, with love~