Note to Samuel Ong

To Samuel:

I thank you for teaching me remedies for my sensitive nose, my sinus. It helps great. Teaching me to swim, accompany me for many things in life, sharing a same frequency, a same level of thoughts with me. The bond was very special as we shared the same frequency. We can talk about everything on earth, anything intangible and even things out of earth, the afterlife, the soul searching, the learnings, the mission of our life. We can even share about our work, our life although it's like two totally different world. I thank you for the time we had.

But at the same time, I hate you. I hate you for not cherishing me, I hate you for not being faithful to me. It seems like it didn't mean anything to you. I hate you for telling me that you have to let me go. I hate you for the comments your mum had for me. I hate you for the times you were with her and yet telling me you missed me. I hate you for rekindling my heart but walked away. All the good times turned into an illusion of the past. I hate myself, for getting close to you again. I finally regret one decision, that is to give it a try again after one year.

Talk about the parallel universe, that we may be a pair living happily there. Yet, you do not have the courage to fight for it in this universe, this lifetime. If you couldn't do it now, what makes you think it will turn out otherwise in another universe or another lifetime? 

It's a close chapter for us now. I'm moving on, starting a new chapter. Left with hatred with you and I wonder when will the hatred goes away. I wonder if you feel the same. 

hazel soh

16 July 2014

Ken has shown effort. Many calls and a bouquet. And we are back together. One more warning is that if there is a next break up initiated either by him or myself, it will be final.

15 July 2014, 6.05pm

Today hasn't been a good day, early morning had a quarrel with youngest sister. It's a very small issue but I couldn't stand her attitude.

Been thinking long and hard about things between Ken and I, and I thrash things out today. After much arguments, he call it quit. Less than 3 months and this is it. I find him immature and couldn't provide me with security and stability, he felt that I'm just talking about money with him. Which I had repeatedly mentioned that it's not. 

Was it him that is immature or am I too self conceited and self centered? 

I cried a little but soon pulled myself together for the SPH trade event. Have I grown stronger? Definitely much stronger than before. Maybe the bond between us are seriously not strong, it is very vulnerable. A simple thrashing things out and arguments can crash the whole thing. 

May god bless us with happiness and wisdom. 

hazel soh