After the incident between angel and me, it brought me thinking about men, being in their marriage, do they stays faithful all the time in the marriage. Looking at some parents at the ballet school, some are young, fit and some are old, but capable. I wonder how many actually had went out to "play", be it physically, emotionally or just for fun, for once, a minute or even an hour of their marriage life. Especially when I see that the wife has not been "maintaining" after birth, or is dominating and fierce.
Not the first time being involved with a married man, I came up with an analogy, not sure how many will agree. The 3-party relationship seems like a dog, with the owner and the dog's toy. The man is the dog, while the wife is the owner and the outsider is the toy. No matter how playful a dog is, he will still go back to the owner at the end of the day. When he's happy or bored, he will look for his toy. The only difference is that, in this scenario, the toy has the choice of staying by the dog, or walk away.
Dogs which doesn't comes back to the owner or turn agressive towards the owner, is as good as you can let them go. Unless, if you are willing to accept a stray dog, then it probably is another story. This doesn't apply to the man only, it could be vice versa.
Whatever decision that the toy make, he or she has to be responsible for it. So one should be all prepared to lose everything upon decision making. Either way, it could be hurtful.
Went to gym with Mr K on Monday, went through a little struggle of deciding between fun and wellness. But in the end, I didn't want to be a wet blanket, so I head on with gym. And it's a good choice, it brought us closer somehow, probably we get to experience it together.
Went out with monsters today and till I'm home and text Mr K, I realised we hadn't been texting each other for the whole day other than the morning greetings and crap. Not even after work and I'm kind of happy with this kind of relationship. We were bonded somehow but we are not tied to each other. Much space and freedom were given. We have our own live and we don't belong to each other.
I thought about the book I read recently "the Zahir", there's a part that say "what's fidelity? The feeling that I possess a body and a soul that aren't mine?". Exactly, why do you expect that from another person? Simply because it is what the society has been dictating? Or because everyone thinks that it's the right thing? And so, how do you determine the "right" thing? Well, the answer will probably be that the "right" thing is what the society, culture, or tradition deems right. Follow your own thoughts and set your own rules. Life is a journey where we experience, learn, and move on.
With these, I conclude that it may not be a good thing for ME to be committed. Thinking back, even during ah fu's time, I succumb to temptation and flirt a little. And I seriously would like to link myself to the story of the frog and scorpion. There are times when I thought to myself that I probably will hurt my partner in a committed relationship. Because I'm someone bad at resisting temptation... Hohoho~
It's the nature, similar to the scorpion, it didn't mean it, but it's just its nature that the scorpion can't control.
hazel, with love~
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